Telling is a process
A 2019 review of 33 studies published since 2000 found that disclosure is an ongoing, interactive process, not a single event, and one that works best inside a relationship (Alaggia, Collin-Vézina and Lateef). The review described disclosure as shaped by the child, the family, the surrounding community and culture, and found that age and gender both play a part.
Across those studies, barriers to telling were reported more often than facilitators. Knowing something is wrong is not the same as being able to tell someone.
What happens after a child tells
Telling once does not mean the child will keep telling. In a study of 257 substantiated child sexual abuse cases that reached a dependency court filing, 23.1% of children later denied the abuse after having disclosed it (Malloy, Lyon and Quas, 2007).
Children were more likely to take it back when they were younger, when the person who harmed them was a parent figure, and when the caregiver who was not involved did not support them. The authors tested the idea that these reversals came from false allegations and did not find support for it.
What the child hears from the first adult matters.
When you're worried and don't know how to start
It is not only children who struggle to start. A change in your child's behavior, or a feeling that something is off, can leave you worried without knowing what is wrong or how to bring it up. Many adults find the first sentence the hardest part, too.
You do not need to know what is wrong before you start, and you do not need the perfect words.
- Pick a calm, private moment, not a rushed one.
- Start with what you've noticed and that you care about them, not with questions that push for an answer.
- Let them know they can tell you anything, at their own pace, and that they won't be in trouble for it.
- If they don't want to talk yet, leave the door open and come back to it.
If a child tells you
You do not need to find out everything. Your job is to be the person they were able to tell.
- Stay calm and listen. Let the child use their own words and set the pace.
- Tell them you are glad they told you, and that it is not their fault.
- Do not promise to keep it secret. You may need to bring in other people to keep them safe.
- Write down what they said, in their words, as soon as you can.
- If a child is in immediate danger, call local emergency services.
- To talk it through with a trained counselor, the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is open at all hours: 1-800-422-4453.
If you work with children, follow your organization's reporting policy and the reporting law where you work.
Where yuli fits
yuli is a child-centered communication platform that is being built to give a child a private way to start a hard conversation with a trusted adult they choose. It is also meant to help the adults who want to be that person, whether they are worried or have just been told. yuli doesn't replace the conversation. It helps start it, and adults and professionals act.
No child has used yuli, and none will until clinical review has happened. The research above is why it is being built this way. It did not test yuli.
Sources
References
- Alaggia, R., Collin-Vézina, D., & Lateef, R. (2019). Facilitators and barriers to child sexual abuse (CSA) disclosures: A research update (2000-2016). Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 20(2), 260-283. Read the research review.
- Malloy, L. C., Lyon, T. D., & Quas, J. A. (2007). Filial dependency and recantation of child sexual abuse allegations. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 46(2), 162-170. Read the study abstract.
Both studies looked at child sexual abuse. yuli is designed for any form of abuse, so these findings do not directly show how children disclose other kinds.